Life is rarely black or white. Often we live in a grey area or one patterned in both colours that is not one or the other but both. We can’t appreciate the gifts of one without the other. I’m finding it’s a similar situation for me with this website. When the Daily Bublé picked up my story and referenced it using both “thanking” and “meeting”, causing me to evaluate my site name.
I found myself questioning my motivations and goals around the website. Is it to say, “Thank you”? Is it to ask to meet Michael? Should I be sharing my story publicly? Am doing this for my son and to help me heal? Or is this about goal setting? All sorts of things were whirling around my head and I reached the conclusion that this website is all of these things.
When I began this website, I wanted to ensure that I said, “thank you” to Michael. It’s important to me that he knows the impact of his music. The musical connection that Jacob and I shared truly shaped my grief and impacts how I move forward in my life today. I know with all my being that Jacob and I were connected when we needed to be and Michael’s music was the essential ingredient. For this, I will always be grateful. Because of this need to say thank you, I struggled with the URL for the website: Should it be “meetingmichaelbuble.com” or “thankingmichaelbuble.com”? I had to choose one. Obviously, I chose the former. I needed to ensure that the “in person” portion of things didn’t get lost in the “thank you.”
With a meeting request attached to my thank you, I feel uneasy. I’ve been questioning whether or not I sully the thank you by asking for something at the same time. Honestly, I’m not sure. It’s a case of black AND white, this AND that. I need to express my thanks and meeting Michael would help me heal. Both are valid and both are important. They also come together in one package: Me.
But if I’m saying thank you, should I not ask to meet Michael? I admit that I feel somewhat guilty asking to meet. Who am I to meet him? Why should he make time for me? Now I hear BrenéBrown in my head reminding me that, “I am enough!” I am worthy enough to ASK. I would hate to offend Michael or his people because that is not my intent, but at the same time, I must ask for what I want. Wayne Gretzky comes to mind, “You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.” I also hear Erin Kelly and Lindy, reminding me that my why is worth it: healing my grief and bringing me joy.
So why is meeting Michael and saying thank you in person so important? I’ve been thinking about this too. The answer lies in the whole; it’s this AND that. My surface response is that it scares the “be Jesus” out of me and will force me to grow as a person. To work for something I really want and learn along the way. Digging a little deeper, it’s an opportunity to say thank you in my own words, one person to another because this is a very personal thing. Deeper still, I’m honouring my son, sharing my loss, possibly inspiring others, and healing in the process. Ultimately, because of the timing, I am looking to supplant the worst day of my life with a truly amazing experience. It would bring me great joy to meet Michael. He’s inspired me and enriched my life through his music beyond Jacob and my loss. By meeting Michael in person, I hope to find personal growth, healing, kindness, and joy.
But if this is a personal story, why go public? Sharing my dream online allows me to use social media to share my story and these are helpful tools. I know who I am, and that when something is really important to me, I get emotional. I also lose my words and become quiet or inarticulate. This could make meeting Michael incredibly awkward for both Michael and myself, but also disappointing if I am unable to say what I feel during the meeting. Hence the thank you/appeal video. With the video already shared, I have said what I need to say and trudged through the emotional triggers ahead of time, so that I can simply enjoy the conversation and say a heartfelt “thank you” in person.
Sharing publicly also means that my story may reach someone who identifies with me and they will know that they are not alone. I am not the first person to lose a child and I won’t be the last (but how I wish no one else EVER has to join this miserable club). I am also not the first person to dream about meeting Michael Bublé or another person they admire. But I am a person who is willing to put myself “out there” to do something about making my dreams come true. I can sit and wish and wish and wish but until I do something, it won’t happen. I have a favourite phrase that plays on a loop in my brain and keeps me moving, “You have to DO to get DONE!” It’s from Alan Frew’s book, The Action Sandwich. (Check it out. His “Action” video here.)
To actually meet Michael, I must use my goal-setting skills. We rarely accomplish much unless we set goals, benchmarks, and take ACTION to reach them. I have to talk to people, find connections, send emails, make cold calls (eek!), share my story, and ask to meet Michael repeatedly. Sharing my dream also makes me more accountable. Since people know about my dream, it increases the pressure to ACT and stop daydreaming. Friends check-in and ask how things are going so I better be doing something! Progress has been slow, but I’m not giving up.
My friend Bobbie-jo asked me, “What does success look like?” I promptly replied, “A selfie with Michael” as I laughed. Since then I have come to the conclusion that I am experiencing many successes along the way. If Michael sees my video, that’s one HUGE success in itself because my thanks have been received. And those thanks are heartfelt at my core. If Michael chooses to say, “Hey, great video” that’d be amazing too and I would be grateful because then I would know he saw it. Until then, I must believe he will. If someone reads my story and identifies with it, that’s a success. If that person decides to act upon their dreams too, “Woo hoo! Awesome!” And of course, if I get to meet Michael Bublé and say thank you in person, that is the ultimate success.
I will inevitably grow, heal and learn as I strive towards my goal of meeting Michael. No matter the ultimate outcome of this mission, I will be better for it. I can say this wholeheartedly for I am already better. Revisiting my loss and putting it in words and video has been healing as it forced me to immerse myself in my grief once again but in a positive way. I thoroughly enjoy writing, it’s something I’ve done since I was young, but neglected of late. This creative reawakening has proven to be a catalyst for other positive changes and a source of new inspiration and energy.
I’m aiming for success and I’m going to work towards it and address any hurdles along the way. As always, it’s a matter of this AND that: possible failure and possible success. But can I really fail when I have so much to gain regardless of the outcome? Bah! Failure is not an option! No matter the outcome, I win. Plus if June 24, 2014 doesn’t work for Michael, I’m open for another date. He can name the time and place! ;o)
Originally published on www.meetingmichaelbluble.com